Gone, but never far away
by Mysterious Bluerose
Summary: Everyone has a best friend. A best friend is that person who knows you best, they are that person that you can trust with all your secrets, and most importantly, a best friend is for life. Sadie was my bestfriend, she died yesterday. Rated T. Katie's POV
1. Chapter 1

**Warning:** This will be a sad fan fiction. If you're looking for a story that has a fairy tale ending, you've clicked the wrong fanfic.

**This story is dedicated to: **My best friend, Holly. Although we are probably the two most opposite people in the world, we some how (against all odds) became best friends. I decided to write this after she decided to join the US Army, after we graduate from High School. I couldn't imagine life as I know it without her. When I began to watch TDI, I saw how close Katie and Sadie were, that their strong bond could never be broken, even if they were a world away from each other. **So please when you read this, think of your best friend. A best friend is for life. **_**Forever**_**. Never forget that.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the characters of the Total Drama uninverse, Justin Timberlake, or Boys like Girls. Although, when I some day rule the world with rabid squirrels and eskimos, it could be a possibility. **

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Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep…

"The beeping is getting faster, is she okay?" A frail voice asked with worry. _That voice, it sounds familiar, but whose is it?_

"Her heart rate is just increasing, Mrs. Winters. It can mean numerous things, like maybe she's dreaming, or feeling some signs of pain, or possibly she's walking up." A deep handsome voice explained. _That voice is definitely new to me, I'll have to get his number later. _"Perhaps if you talk to her, her heart rate will slow down."

_Pause. _

"Katie, dear, it's me, your mother—" That_ explains why her voice is so familiar… _"Katie, everything will be alright."

_Everything will be alright? What's everything? Where am I? Why can't I open my eyes? Oh. My. God. Am I in the nuthouse? Did someone sew my eyes together, like in that one creepy movie Sadie and I watched? Oh man, it's all downhill from here. No more eating with my favorite pointy eating utensils. No more texting or phone calls. GASP. No more Fashion Daily magazines! I have to escape! How can I—_

_BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! _

"Doctor!" My mother screamed.

The doctor came back running into the room. "She must be having one hell of a dream. I'll have to give her a shot that can calm her down. Nurse!" The handsome voiced yelled.

_No, not the shot, anthing but the shot! _"No!" _I managed to scream hoarsely._ _I ripped open my eyes, and a bright light came streaming in, making my eyes burn with pain. Stupid, stupid light! _

"Katie? Katie, can you hear me? Katie!" My mom yelled into my left ear.

"Loud and clear mom."

She gasped, "Oh Katie!" _She threw her arms around me and a surge of pain attacked my abdomen and left leg._

"Ow!" I shouted. _Pft, Ow? That was an understatement. _

"Oops, sorry Katie." Her tender voice, guilty.

_I looked around at my surroundings. I was in a small white room that had three black chairs next to the large oak door. White sheets surrounded my body, all except for my left leg that was inside a white cast being casted up on some pillows. _

"Mom, where am I?" I asked.

_Pause._

She took in a deep breath. "Katie, you're in a hospital." She said, sounding like she was being stabbed in the throat.

"The hospital?"

_Pause._

She looked at me with her intense dark brown eyes, "Katie, you were in a car crash last night."

_And then it all came back… _

**Flash back:**

_I use to be love drunk, but now I'm hung over._

_I love you forever, forever is over._

_We used to kiss all night, now it's just bar fight._

_You don't call me crying, say hello and goodbye._

"Oh Katie, don't you just, like, love Boys like Girls?" The hyper voice of my BFFFL, Sadie sang.

"Like, OMBLG, totally!" I yelled back in equal excitement.

_I looked out the window, staring at the large snowflakes that hit the window; I remember learning in science class that all snowflakes were different, yet they all looked the same to me **(1)**. We were driving home from one of the biggest mall sales of the season, the grand 50 percent off everything sale. Not many people showed up, because of the current snowstorm. But no snowstorm could ever stop Sadie and I from attending the sale of the season, it was a tradition that we have had every year since before we could walk. I looked over at Sadie, who was still mouthing the words to "Love Drunk". She was wearing her newly bought red and white winter jacket._

"Sadie, I totally love your new jacket!" I complimented my best friend. "It's socute!"

"I know right. I can't believe it was only $19.95!" She replied in her usual excited tone. "Too bad we couldn't buy that one shirt. I wish our moms would have given us more money!"

_I pictured the red and white stripped long-sleeved shirt. It came with a really pretty black belt, and the back had lace on it._ "Yeah, I know! It looked really good on me."

"Well, I thought it looked really, really good on me." Sadie said.

"Well, it looked really, really, really, _really_ good on me."

"Not as good as it looked on me, though." Sadie snapped.

_Two can play at this game._ "Oh, you are so wrong, the shirt looked sooo much better on me!"

"Nuh uh!"

"Uh huh!"

"Nuh uh!"

"Uh huh!"

"You know what Katie; we are _so _not BFFFLs anymore!" Sadie snapped, returning her eyes to the road.

"Fine!"

"Fine!"

_I folded my arms and stared back into the passenger window. Sadie was right, as usual. The shirt did actually fit her better; it hugged her hour glass shape perfectly. Even the smallest size hung loose on me, not doing the same justice as the shirt did on her. But, of course, I would never admit it. _

_Sadie leaned over and turned up the radio. A familiar tune of "Sexy Back" arose into my ears; it's one of our favorite songs. I couldn't help but tap my feet and sing along. _

_I'm bringin' sexy back_

_Them other boys they don't know how to act_

_I think it's special what's behind your back_

_So turn around and I'll pick up the slack_

_A few moments later, the song formed into a trio. I looked over at Sadie and she looked right back at me and smiled. _

"Oh. My. Justin! I love this song!" I exclaimed.

"I know right? Justin Timberlake is so SEXY!" Sadie screamed back. _I couldn't help but giggle when Sadie said sexy. It after all, is what this whole song is about. _

"This is why we are total BFFFLs, Sadie!"

"Oh yeah, best female friends for life!"

"!" We both squealed at the same time.

_I turned my head back to the window, still singing the words to the song. It wasn't snowing so much anymore, just a couple snowflakes fluttered onto the ground. It's defiantly going to be a white Christmas this year. I smiled. As the last few words of the song drifted off, we both sighed. _

"Awh, I wish the song was longer!" Sadie whined.

_I looked back at her, laughing. I suddenly noticed bright lights vigorously approaching Sadie's window. There was a loud bang, and a single scream and everything went black. _

_Sadie. Where's Sadie? I shook my head back and forth looking around the room for my best friend. There was nothing, just my mom and a couple of empty chairs. I tried to sit up, but an overwhelming shot of pain stroke across my abdomen and leg. _

"Katie, you need to rest. You broke your leg and three ribs; they need time to heal dear." She looked at me with worried eyes.

"Sadie. Mom where is Sadie? S-she was driving the car."

_I looked at my mom; she was covering her eyes with her hands, trembling. She moved her hands, looking at me with her tearful eyes. _

"S-Sadie…" _She paused, taking my hand. _"Sadie's dead."

_Dead, dead, dead, the word passed through my head at least a dozen times. Dead, deceased, departed, lifeless, gone, none of those worlds made sense. I couldn't comprehend them. Tears started falling from my eyes, sobs vacated my mouth. _

_Sadie is dead. My best friend, my other half, my better half, the person I thought would be in my life forever._

_Dead. _

_We always called ourselves BFFFLs, Best Female Friends for Life. For life means forever, but how long is forever? Forever could be tomorrow, next week, or 30 years from now. _

_For me, forever was yesterday. _

_I've never considered life without Sadie. We always planned are lives around each other. We were supposed to go to college together. We were going to open up our own clothing store. I would be the designer; she would handle the customers and all the other stuff._

_We were going to be married a month away from each other. We were going to be each others "Maid of honor." We were going to have our kids at the same time. I would have a boy named Charlie, Sadie a girl named Charmen. Our kids were going to grow up together, fall in love together, and have kids together. Sadie and I would be grandma's and die old happy women._

_All of these will forever remain mere memories. _

_Memories that would never happen._

_Sadie's gone, and she's never coming back._

Gone, but _never _far away.

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**AN: _I know, I know... You don't need to tell me. I'm a horrible person that hasn't updated ANY of her stories in a little under a year. And for that, I'm truely sorry. I'm not going to give you any excuses as to why no updates have occured, I owe you all atleast that. I just want to say my life has changed A LOT in the past year, some changes for the worse, some changes for the better. _**

**_I plan on re-writing the three stories I have going on fanfiction at this current time. I'm over all dissapointed by my writing, so it seems right to re-start my fanfictions. And by THREE, I do mean THREE stories. I've decided I'm going to discontinue "Total Drama Impulse". Sorry to any of my readers, If I still have any. Once again, I'm sorry for my hiatus, but I want you to know, Mysterious Bluerose is back. And I'll let you be the judge of whether or not I'm better than ever. :) _**

**_(1) _**_Although this sentance may seem insignificant now, I can guarantee it will have greater meaning as the story goes on. _

_**R It feeds my writing ability. XD **_


	2. Life Will Never Go On

**Warning:** This will be a sad fan fiction. If you're looking for a story that has a fairy tale ending, you've clicked the wrong fanfic.

**This story is dedicated to: **My best friend, Holly. Although we are probably the two most opposite people in the world, we somehow (against all odds) became best friends. I decided to write this after she decided to join the US Army, after we graduate from High School. I couldn't imagine life as I know it without her. When I began to watch TDI, I saw how close Katie and Sadie were, that their strong bond could never be broken, even if they were a world away from each other. **So please when you read this, think of your best friend. A best friend is for life. **_**Forever**_**. Never forget that.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the characters of the Total Drama universe, the ****Idiot's Guide**** series, or Harry Potter. Although, when I someday rule the world with rabid squirrels, it could be a possibility. **

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_Beeeeep. _"Greetings earthlings, Harold am I. I'm sorry I can't get to the phone right now. I'm probably on a super secret Jedi mission, but if you leave a—'Harold, stop pretending you're a Wedi and get up here! We have a plane to catch!' Gosh mom, it's called Jedi. I mean, gosh, get your facts straight. I mean, gosh—" _Beep. _**

_Sigh. _

_I put the phone back on the receiver, crossing off yet another name on the list. I volunteered to invite everyone from TDI to the funeral, it's the least I could do, you know, being it's my entire fault that Sadie is dead._

_I've called 19 people, and so far none of them are able to come. They're all on vacation, or something of the sort. _

_Geoff and Bridgette went skiing in Alps, Cody went to Hawaii, Lindsey and Beth are in the Bahamas, Justin had to go to Spain to do some modeling, Duncan is in Juvie again, Courtney went to Washington D.C., and Trent is recording his first solo album. Everyone else didn't answer their phone; well actually nobody answered their phone. I got most of my information off of voice mail or from their parents. _

_I looked back to the list, frowning at the red lines across everyone's name, well, everyone's except for Noah's. _

_I decided to call Noah last, being, he's the only one that actually tolerated us back on TDI. While at the luxury hotel, back when we were eliminated, Sadie and I befriended Noah. Although he may have seemed harsh and sarcastic on the show, Noah was actually a pretty decent guy deep down, okay, really deep down. I remember Sadie and I use to tease him about kissing Cody during the staying awake challenge, which he'll probably be in denial of the rest of his living existence. _

_I grabbed my cell phone, and began to dial his number. _

_Ring._

_Ring._

_Ring. _

"Hello?" A familiar voice asked.

_The sound of his voice surprised me. No one else had picked up their phone, I have no clue what I'm going to say. I mean, how can you just call someone without talking for two years, and tell them someone is dead? There isn't exactly __An Idiots Guide to Telling Someone Your Best Friend Died__ out there on the shelves. _

"Helloooo, any one there?"

_Breathe Katie. Talk Katie. You can do this! _"Um, hi, is this Noah?"

"Hm, gee, I wonder. You looked for Noah's number, you dialed Noah's number. You'd think the person answering the phone would be Noah, right?"

_Same old Noah… _"Um, yeah, sorry."

"Are you going to tell me who you are, or are you going to stand there and say 'um' all day?"

"Katie, this is Katie."

"Katie…?" His voice had a hint of confusion in it.

"Katie Winters…from TDI"

"Oh, it's you. Sorry, I couldn't recognize your voice without you screaming 'EEE' in my ear. You know, thanks to you and your friend, I've gone partially deaf in my right ear. "

"Oh, sorry about that…" _Now that I think about, besides Ezekiel, Sadie and I were probably the two most annoying people on TDI. _"Look, Noah, the reason I'm calling, is because… is because—"

"Because..?"

"S-Sadie and I were in a car accident two days ago."

"Oh. Are you two… okay?" _His normally sarcastic voice turned surprised and stressed. _

_I could feel tears begin to weld up in my eyes, but I managed to shield them in. _"I broke a leg and a few bones, but Sadie wasn't so lucky."

_He took a long pause. _"Oh, is she—is she okay?"

_I couldn't shield my tears in any longer, they began pouring from eyes. Come on Katie, keep it together. _"Sadie—" _I took in a deep breath, _"Sadie died."

_My voice was hoarse and quiet, to the point that he probably didn't understand what I just said. But, that's just one sentence I couldn't bear to repeat. _

"Katie, I'm _so_ sorry. Is there anything I can do, anything at all?"

_The only thing he could possibly do to me is turn into Harry Potter and use some of his wizard power to bring Sadie back to life. _

"No Noah, that's okay. But if you could, could you come to the funeral service? It would mean so much to her parents and I."

"Yeah, of course I'll come. Again, I'm really sorry."

_I could tell from his voice, that he really did mean it. _

"Thank you Noah. The Funeral is on Sunday at one o'clock at Toronto Funeral Home."

"I'll see you there Katie."

"Thanks again. Bye Noah."

"Bye Katie." _**(1) **_

_**~At the Funeral~ **_

_The sun was shining, the wind was calm, and the temperature was rather mild. Days like this aren't common during the cold Canadian winter. But I really didn't notice. How could I possibly be enjoying the weather on a day like today? How could I possibly be enjoying anything on a day like today? _

_My mom put her hand on my shoulder as we walked over to Sadie's parents. Her mother was quietly sobbing to herself with tear full eyes. Her father was standing quietly with his arm lightly around his sulking wife's waist. Her mom looked up at me for a second and then quickly put her head down again, continuing to sob. Her father didn't do as much as even take glance at me. _

_They hated me. _

_I hated myself. _

_I should have been the one to die in the accident. Sadie deserved to live. She's going to be so missed. I wouldn't be missed at all. _

_I looked up as the lobby began to quickly fill up with friends and family of Sadie. Everyone was dressed in black suits and black dresses, customary wear for a funeral. But somehow, it made the room feel all the more depressing. _

_Some people where laughing, telling stories about Sadie. While others were quietly weeping or just standing there, looking indifferent to what ever was happening. _

_I searched every person in the lobby, but I didn't see Noah anywhere. Maybe he was running late, or maybe he wasn't coming at all. _

_Suddenly, the room came to an abrupt silence, as the large oak doors to the parlor slowly opened. A man came out with a sympathetic smile, telling us we could now enter the parlor. People hesitated at first, but then gradually made their ways in the room. _

_As my mom and I entered the solemn room, the faint aroma of roses reached my noise. Roses were Sadie's favorite flower. _

_The room was decorated with vases full of roses and pictures of Sadie. In the front, there was an empty alter and to the sides, there were rows of wooden benches. _

_My mom lightly tugged on my arm and we sat about five rows from the front. I had to sit on the end, so I could lay my crutches down. _

_I looked back again, to analyze more people and I saw Noah sitting two rows back. He caught my eyes and gave me a slight smile. I returned it, and turned my head forward. _

_Quiet chattering filled the room, but it suddenly stopped. Everyone in front of me looked back toward the oak doors and I did the same. _

_The first to walk in was a priest, holding a bible in his right hand and a small wooden cross in the other. Behind him, four men came walking out, each holding a handle on the casket. _

_The casket that was holding the body of my best friend. _

_Tears came flowing out of my eyes and sobs left my mouth. I tried to compose myself, but I couldn't. _

_I have to get out of here. Right now. _

_I quickly got up, feeling some pain in my left leg when I put my weight on it. I grabbed my crutches, trying to get away unnoticed, but my mom clutched my hand and gave me a tender look. _

"I have to go to the bathroom." _I whispered, lying. _

_I walked quickly into the lobby, my tears streaming out behind me. I sat on the ground, against the wall, putting my arms around my legs, and my head between my knees. _

_I cried. _

_The sound of footsteps reached my ears, they were heading towards me. I didn't bother to look up as the unknown person sat next me, not saying a word. _

_A single arm wrapped around my shoulders and held me tight. I finally looked up, surprised by sudden touch. _

_It was Noah. _

_I looked at his face, his deep brown eyes, as he looked into mine. He whipped a single tear out my eye, and I wrapped my right arm around his back. He put his other arm around mine. Noah soothingly rubbed my back as we embraced. _

_It felt… good. _

_We stayed in that position for 10-minutes, never moving._

"Thank you, Noah." _I whispered._

_**~Two Weeks Later~ **_

_I tossed my back-pack into the back of my car, waving goodbye to my mom one last time before leaving for school for the first time since winter break, despite my mom's pleading for me to stay home another week. _

"Katie, please, you don't need to go to school right away. These things take time to heal from."

"I have to mom. I'm okay, really. Besides, if I miss anymore days, I won't be able to graduate."

"I can talk to your principal, I'm sure he'll understand."

"No mom, I need to do this. Not just for me, but for Sadie too."

" Okay Katie, I understand."

_I felt bad for arguing with my mom, she was only saying what she thought was best for me. She's was probably right too, but I needed to get back to school. It's what Sadie would want me to do. _

_Walking through the halls for the first time without Sadie beside me felt weird and lonely. It didn't help either, when everyone stared at me. _

_They all stared with the same expressions on their faces; Sorrow, pity, and sympathy. _

_Everyone always said, "Poor Katie", or, "I feel so bad for her." _

_Never did anyone say, "Poor Sadie". Sadie was the one that died, yet they only said "Poor Katie". I was lucky to be alive, but I wouldn't call it lucky at all. _

_Not Lucky at all. _

_The rest of the school year went on in a continuous blur. Usually, seniors were happy and out celebrating the last few months of school. I always got invited to parties, but I never went. I had nothing to celebrate. My best friend is dead and my life no longer has meaning. _

_The only thing good that happened during the last few months, was that my grades were greatly improving. Probably because Sadie and I always talked during classes. But, I would trade in my bad grades for Sadie to be here any day. _

_Graduation was probably the hardest day of all. It was the day Sadie and I fantasized about for years. The end of high school and the start of a brand new chapter of our lives. We were going to throw a huge party, and then go to Australia and enjoy our new found freedom._

_All of this was gone. _

_Ancient history. _

_It would never happen. _

_Sadie is gone, and she's never coming back. _

Gone, but never far away.

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****(1) **_**Why yes, I am the worst phone-conversation-writer-person EVER. Lol, sorry you had to read that dreadful piece of writing. But seriously, I suck at talking on the phone with people… therefore I suck writing about people talking on the phone.. **_

**A/N: Sorry for the late-ish update. I hope you liked the newly written second chapter… I'm seriously depressed now, after reading it over. I tried to make Noah sarcastic than in the first version… I kind of suck at writing sarcastic things too. ^.^' **

_**I'm also looking for someone I can confide in to help me make a plot choice. I would have everyone vote on here, but I don't want to give away the plot. So if you don't mind getting a spoiler or two, contact me. **_

_**Thanks!**_

_**Read and Review, it feeds my updating will. **_


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